one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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