thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
