Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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