My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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