Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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