Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
