I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
