I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize