haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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