I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love having hate sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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