im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
