i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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