He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
