problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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