your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
