there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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