I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I died a long time ago.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
