omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
