He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You left your phone here
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