just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You're like the curious george of whores
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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