don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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