I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
