If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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