Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
