the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
