I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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