Can Purell be used as lube?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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