I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
