I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize