My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
