What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
