I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
