he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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