I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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