Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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