dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
