I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
