It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
