Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
