I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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