$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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