she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
