god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this just has baby written all over it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
