I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
