i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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