I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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