OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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