I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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