I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
