we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've blown a few things in my day
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just had sex on a roof
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
