weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
