I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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