One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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