you traded sex for a burrito?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
