Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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