It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
