do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
