FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
