All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
