I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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