Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
