Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
