Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
