its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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