Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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