Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
