I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this beer tastes like vomit already
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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