dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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