Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
