it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
