I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
