I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
people are starting to question the shark bite story
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
