I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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