Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
