Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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