Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
