Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize