dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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