Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
